I've been avoiding this decision for a few weeks. Some part of me wanted to just act like everything was fine and hide until the voices in my head (and those of trusted friends) went away. But alas, they never do.
So I'm finally admitting that I need to make a pivot.
Not a stop or a hiatus, but a shift in direction. I've come to the point where it's obvious that my original plan for The Upload podcast isn't sustainable. I really wanted to keep up a weekly pace where i alternated between interviews and debriefs, but I've found that for now at least I don't want to devote the time necessary to make that a reality.
I know "I don't want to" sounds harsh, but I hate it when people say they don't have time -- we all have the same amount of time; we choose how we want to spend it. And right now, I don't want to spend the number of hours per week it takes to pull off my original plan. My wife has never complained and said I needed to cut back, but I've been feeling the tension personally as I sit in my office editing and researching episodes for hours when I should be enjoying the few hours we're "baby free" at night.
I could take some shortcuts to make it happen, but that goes against every intent I have for the podcast and myself. I could stop researching before interviewing (which takes a significant amount of time), but then my interviews would start sounding sleazy and inauthentic.
Instead, I want to pivot by reducing the frequency of the interviews and experimenting with some new episode styles. I plan to try out some episodes that are more like audio blogs based on things I've learned recently. I also plan to do some more casual one-on-one and panel discussions with creative folks about a variety of topics. In short, I'm pivoting to loosen things up a bit and see if it's more sustainable.
Who knows? Maybe it'll be even better than my original plan. Pivotal moments like this often birth great ideas. Here's to hoping I find 'em.